I've been in Paris for 12 hours now, and despite the initial overwhelm, I'm filled with excitement. This experience is vastly different from Tokyo, known as the COVID Olympics, where we had limited social interaction. Approaching Paris with fresh eyes, it feels like the entire city is mine to explore. I'm taking numerous photos and soaking in every moment because, while participating in one Olympics is incredible, reaching my second feels extraordinarily special. I'm committed to savoring every second of this journey.
I've always been open about my struggle with anxiety, but right now, just days before competing, I'm surprisingly calm and simply excited. When it hits me that I'm at the Olympics and the gravity of the event sets in, I'll likely start feeling the weight of expectations and pressures. But for now, I'm embracing the present moment with ease.
My anxiety comes in different levels. At its base, I feel jittery and on edge. On race day, I can be irritable, sensitive, and prefer not to talk much. When it worsens, it feels uncontrollable, with an increased heart rate, difficulty eating, and even hyperventilation. When my anxiety manifests physically, I know it's time to employ my coping mechanisms.
As a person of faith, I often turn to scripture, read my Bible, and listen to podcasts and YouTube videos that help me regain a sense of calm. A favorite verse is 2 Timothy 1:7: "For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control." This reminds me that God has endowed me with strength and self-discipline.
I'm also big on journaling. Writing down scriptures and affirmations makes them tangible and helps ground me. Additionally, I use self-soothing techniques like placing a hand on my chest and stomach while taking deep, slow breaths.
During the Olympic trials in June, waiting for late-day races made me antsy. Instead of tensing up, I found relief by jumping on the bed to loosen my legs, keeping myself grounded. These physical actions help me take control when anxiety hits.
As race day approaches, my temperament can change. I become short-tempered and irritable, and even minor things like too many texts or loud music can set me off. These are clear signs of my anxiety because such things wouldn't bother me otherwise.
A memorable incident was getting trapped in a porta-potty right before the qualifying semifinal. It was stressful—being trapped in small spaces is my number one fear—but it oddly lightened my mood. And as a hilarious bonus, I now have a partnership with Charmin. Once freed, I reminded myself to stay calm and composed, knowing that getting emotional would negatively impact my performance. Handling this incident with maturity and self-control was a personal victory, as I've let anxiety ruin races in the past.
I don't manage this alone. I have a sports psychologist on call during competitions, providing invaluable support. Even with all my tools, having another voice to guide me back to mental training is essential. At one point, I considered medication but decided against it due to the upcoming 2023 World Championships, the 2024 Olympic Games, and the 2025 World Championships. I believe a little anxiety can be beneficial as it shows I care and strive for great results.
I advise the young women I coach at Voice In Sport, an organization supporting female athletes, that no moment, not even the Olympics, is bigger than them. They're there for a reason and have earned their spot.
My coach's advice resonates with me: "We never get too high and we never get too low." I strive to stay balanced, not letting victories make me overconfident or setbacks define me. I remind myself that I've earned my place here and owe it to myself to give my best. When anxiety peaks, I focus on not letting it take me out of the race mentally, ensuring I remain a strong competitor.
My Olympic dream is to win gold, but more importantly, it's about running my best and not letting fear hold me back. If my best effort doesn't result in a medal, I'll be disappointed but content knowing I gave it my all. Ultimately, my goal is to be the best version of myself, aiming for the podium while understanding that true victory lies in realizing my full potential.