Dating apps have undeniably changed the way we approach relationships. What once started as a revolutionary means to connect people and help them find love has morphed into something far more complex—and for many, less fulfilling. The industry itself is facing turbulence, with some of the biggest names in the business struggling to maintain relevance and profitability. In February 2024, Bumble announced layoffs of 30% of its workforce due to disappointing financial performance in 2023. Similarly, Match Group, the parent company of Tinder, revealed plans in July to cut 6% of its global workforce after years of declining numbers in paying subscribers. These layoffs are symptomatic of a larger issue: users, particularly those in Generation Z, are becoming disillusioned with dating apps.
In this analysis, we’ll dive into the emotional toll these apps have on users, how they’ve reshaped our concept of dating and love, and why, for many, these platforms have stopped being about finding meaningful relationships altogether.
The Emotional Labor of Dating Apps: More Than Just Swiping
For many, the introduction of dating apps seemed like an easy solution to the difficulties of modern dating. However, this simplicity came with unintended consequences. The process of swiping, matching, and engaging with countless strangers online is emotionally exhausting. The sheer volume of interactions required to potentially find a compatible partner leads to what can be described as "emotional labor."
Treena Orchard, an associate professor in the School of Health Studies at Western University in Canada, conducted a self-ethnographic study on dating apps, driven by her experiences after signing up at the age of 45. Orchard described her initial experience as "terrifying" because it was so radically different from the traditional methods of dating she was familiar with. What began as a personal exploration quickly transformed into a scholarly investigation into the darker side of these platforms.
She found that users, especially women, often face pervasive misogyny and objectification. The algorithms of these apps encourage behaviors that reduce individuals to mere profiles, where success is defined by the number of swipes, matches, or messages received. The apps reward users for being constantly engaged, pushing them to interact with hundreds of people, which is far from how we would behave in real-life social settings.
Orchard argues that this constant need for engagement and validation has normalized what is, in reality, an unsustainable emotional effort. She describes it as not being "normal" to talk to 100 or 200 people a day or to swipe on 200 people daily. This sense of overwhelming interaction takes a toll on mental health, as users often end up feeling more disconnected than they were before.
The Decline of Romance: Why People Aren’t Looking for Love Anymore
One of the more surprising findings in recent studies is that many users of dating apps aren’t actually looking to meet anyone in real life. Carolina Bandinelli, an associate professor in media and creative industries at the University of Warwick, found in her research that many users aren't using dating apps to find love or even to date at all. Instead, they’re using these platforms for reasons entirely unrelated to romance.
In her interviews with over 50 individuals in the UK and Italy, Bandinelli expected to hear stories about adventurous sexual and romantic escapades. What she found instead was that most users weren’t even meeting up with their matches. Some used apps as a way to test their attractiveness or to validate their self-esteem, but without any intention of forming a real connection. One interviewee mentioned setting her location to match with people far away to avoid ever meeting them, while another spoke of using apps to connect with people in different countries, purely as a form of social experimentation.
This growing trend of using dating apps without the intent to date signals a shift in how these platforms are being perceived. For many, dating apps are no longer about finding love but about navigating a digital landscape where interaction is transactional, fleeting, and often void of emotional depth.
The Efficiency Trap: The Rise of Post-Romantic Ideals
One of the more philosophical consequences of dating apps is how they have altered societal ideals about love, romance, and relationships. Bandinelli argues that dating apps have created a new "post-romantic" ideology, where love is expected to be efficient, painless, and devoid of emotional risk.
Dating apps promise to optimize the search for a partner. Their marketing campaigns often boast about maximizing possibilities, offering users the chance to widen their pool of potential mates. In theory, this sounds ideal—who wouldn’t want to streamline their love life and make it more efficient? But the reality is that this approach diminishes the emotional complexity of love and relationships. Love, at its core, involves vulnerability, risk, and sometimes, heartbreak. By stripping away these elements in favor of a frictionless, pain-free experience, dating apps promote a version of romance that is emotionally shallow.
This shift is what Bandinelli refers to as the post-romantic utopia. In this framework, love is something that shouldn’t hurt. It should be easy, convenient, and on-demand, like the latest app update. But as with any utopia, there’s a catch. In seeking to eliminate emotional risk, dating apps have also erased the potential for genuine connection. Love without vulnerability becomes hollow, and users are left unfulfilled despite their best efforts to find companionship.
The Impact on Generation Z: Burnout and Disillusionment
This post-romantic ideal seems particularly prevalent among Generation Z, a demographic that has grown up with technology and is used to having instant access to everything, including potential romantic partners. For many in this generation, dating apps are just another tool, but the constant pressure to stay engaged, to swipe endlessly, and to present a curated version of oneself has led to burnout.
A 2023 survey conducted by the American Psychological Association found that 61% of Generation Z adults reported feeling overwhelmed by social media, including dating apps. This constant exposure to the "paradox of choice," where more options make it harder to commit, has left many feeling cynical about the possibility of finding love through these platforms.
Moreover, the emphasis on efficiency and immediacy has led to a decline in meaningful relationships. Instead of forming deep connections, many users settle for superficial interactions, leading to a growing sense of loneliness. Ironically, the very tools designed to connect people are contributing to a profound sense of isolation.
The Future of Dating Apps: Can They Be Fixed?
Given the emotional toll and growing disillusionment with dating apps, the question arises: can they be fixed? Or are they destined to become obsolete as users look for alternative ways to connect?
There are potential solutions. Some experts suggest that dating apps could focus less on quantity and more on quality by offering more personalized experiences. Instead of encouraging users to swipe endlessly, apps could incorporate features that foster deeper connections. For instance, focusing on shared interests or values rather than just appearances could lead to more meaningful matches.
Another possibility is creating apps that prioritize mental well-being. Some platforms have already started implementing mental health resources, but more could be done to reduce the emotional strain users face. For example, limiting the number of interactions a user can have per day or promoting healthy online behaviors could help mitigate the negative effects of dating apps.
Ultimately, the future of dating apps will depend on how willing these companies are to evolve. The current model, which prioritizes engagement at all costs, may be profitable in the short term, but it’s clear that it’s taking a toll on users. To remain relevant and beneficial, dating apps need to prioritize the emotional well-being of their users and focus on fostering genuine connections.
Conclusion
Dating apps have come a long way since their inception, but their evolution has not been without significant drawbacks. The emotional toll they take on users, particularly among Generation Z, is becoming increasingly apparent. What started as a convenient way to find love has transformed into an exhausting, often disheartening experience for many. The post-romantic ideals these platforms promote are ultimately leaving users feeling disconnected and disillusioned. If dating apps are to remain a relevant part of the modern dating landscape, they need to shift their focus from efficiency and engagement to fostering meaningful, authentic connections.
As we move forward in the digital age, it’s essential to recognize the emotional consequences of our interactions online, especially when it comes to something as deeply personal as love and relationships. Dating apps are unlikely to disappear anytime soon, but their current trajectory suggests they must evolve—or risk losing the very users they were designed to help.