In recent years, the issue of loneliness has become a public health crisis, disproportionately affecting men. From celebrities like Justin Bieber to everyday individuals, many men are silently struggling under the weight of societal expectations and emotional isolation. This so-called "loneliness epidemic" isn’t just a fleeting feeling of being alone—it has deep health and psychological consequences. To address this growing issue, society needs to re-evaluate how it perceives masculinity and offer men more avenues to express vulnerability and seek help.
A Public Cry for Help: Justin Bieber’s Vulnerability
In May 2024, pop star Justin Bieber and his wife, Hailey, made headlines with the announcement of her pregnancy. While the media swiftly focused on the couple’s exciting news, an earlier social media post by Bieber in which he shared a tearful selfie went largely unnoticed. This post was more than just a fleeting emotional moment—it was a public cry for help.
Bieber’s willingness to share his emotional struggles on social media is significant. It serves as a rare public example of a male celebrity making his vulnerability visible. While emotional pain is closely linked to physical health risks, the public’s response to men expressing emotions like sadness or fear often downplays their struggles. In response to Bieber’s tearful selfie, Hailey humorously referred to him as a “pretty crier,” highlighting how male emotions are frequently trivialized, even by those close to them.
The lack of serious attention to Bieber’s emotional display reflects broader societal attitudes toward men and mental health. Men, especially those in the spotlight, often feel pressure to maintain an image of strength and stoicism, even when they are crumbling inside.
Dax’s “To Be a Man”: A Voice for the Silent Struggles
Bieber isn’t alone in expressing the burden men face when they try to cope with emotional pain. In 2023, Canadian rapper Dax released the song “To Be a Man,” a heartfelt anthem highlighting the often silent struggles men endure. The lyrics speak to the emotional suppression men experience, stating:
Yeah, I know this life can really beat you down, uh
You wanna scream but you won’t make a sound, uh
Got so much weight that you’ve been holding
But won’t show any emotion, as a man, that goes unspoken
Dax's song taps into the core of what many men feel but are often unable to express: a sense of isolation and emotional suppression. For generations, men have been conditioned to equate vulnerability with weakness, further exacerbating their loneliness.
Research Highlights the Toll on Fathers
As researchers who study fatherhood and masculinity, we frequently hear men express the emotional toll that societal expectations place on them. In a recent study we conducted involving 75 Black fathers, participants shared how collective and individual trauma impacts their ability to be present for their families. These men, already navigating the pressures of being primary providers, face additional struggles when it comes to accessing mental health resources.
One father summarized his experience, stating, “Being a father and a man, you have to keep the peace and be strong on the outside. But on the inside, you know, you’re falling apart.” This statement encapsulates the pressure men face to appear resilient, even when they are struggling internally.
The Health Impacts of Loneliness
The U.S. Surgeon General, Dr. Vivek Murthy, has highlighted loneliness as a growing epidemic, one with serious health consequences. According to his 2023 advisory, loneliness is linked to various health risks, including a 29% increased chance of heart disease, a 32% higher risk of stroke, and a 50% greater likelihood of developing dementia among older adults. Additionally, the report revealed that lacking social connections could lead to a 60% increase in premature death.
While loneliness affects both men and women, the problem is particularly acute for men. Men are less likely to seek mental health services, and societal norms discourage them from forming deep emotional connections, which could help alleviate feelings of isolation.
Why Men Are More Vulnerable
Men’s social support networks, often consisting of colleagues, family, and childhood friends, tend to be less robust than those of women. As a result, when men experience emotional difficulties, they are more likely to face them alone. This isolation exacerbates the loneliness epidemic, particularly as men age.
In Murthy’s report, it became clear that societal expectations play a significant role in how men cope—or fail to cope—with loneliness. Traditional views of masculinity emphasize strength, self-reliance, and stoicism, leaving little room for men to express vulnerability or seek help when needed.
The Breadwinner Role: A Source of Isolation
One of the major factors contributing to men’s feelings of isolation is the societal pressure to be the primary provider. As Dax poignantly sings:
As a man, we gotta pave our way
Our only function is to work and slave
There’s no respect for you if you ain’t paid
You’re disregarded as a human and you can’t complain
In an uncertain economy where financial stability is increasingly difficult to achieve, men who cannot provide for their families feel devalued. This sense of inadequacy fuels feelings of isolation and worthlessness, compounding their mental health challenges.
While men are often judged by their ability to financially support their families, the truth is that many men today are also deeply involved in caregiving roles. Research shows that fathers are taking on more responsibilities in raising their children, yet societal norms still fail to recognize the value men bring as caregivers.
The Cost of Suppressing Vulnerability
Perhaps one of the most harmful effects of societal expectations is the suppression of male vulnerability. From an early age, boys are taught to hide their emotions, especially sadness, fear, or anxiety. This conditioning leads to emotional suppression, which creates barriers to seeking help and perpetuates the stigma surrounding men’s mental health.
The stereotypes that surround masculinity not only harm men but also prevent healthcare providers from accurately diagnosing and treating them. When men do seek help, their symptoms are often misdiagnosed, or they are offered treatment options that don’t address their specific needs.
The COVID-19 pandemic further highlighted the disproportionate burden placed on certain groups of men. Low-income Black fathers, for example, were more likely to work high-risk jobs during the pandemic, prioritizing their families’ needs over their own health and well-being.
Redefining Masculinity: The Path Forward
The traditional definition of masculinity is outdated and needs to evolve to better support men’s mental health and well-being. Redefining what it means to be a man—beyond the roles of provider and protector—can help men feel more comfortable embracing their vulnerabilities.
As men redefine their roles in families and society, it is essential to create safe spaces where they can express their emotions without fear of judgment. Support groups, community discussions, and therapy can be powerful tools for men to process their feelings and develop healthier coping mechanisms.
Men also need relationships that nurture them emotionally. By fostering connections with partners, family, and friends, men can build stronger support networks to combat loneliness and isolation.
Moving Beyond the Loneliness Epidemic
The epidemic of loneliness is a public health crisis, but it is not insurmountable. By challenging outdated norms and offering men the tools and spaces to express their vulnerability, society can alleviate some of the pressures men face. From low-stakes community discussions to online therapy sessions, men need avenues to explore their emotions without fear of judgment or stigma.
As Dax reminds us in “To Be a Man,” many men struggle with feelings of being undervalued and unheard:
No wonder most men are so depressed
All the things that they can’t express
It’s the circle of life, as a man, you provide
They don’t know what you’re worth ‘til the day that you die
For men like Justin Bieber, who are navigating fatherhood and fame, and for the millions of other men who face similar struggles outside the spotlight, the key to overcoming the loneliness epidemic lies in embracing vulnerability. By redefining masculinity, society can help men lead healthier, more connected lives.
In the end, men deserve to be seen, valued, and supported—not just as providers but as fully realized individuals capable of experiencing and expressing a full range of emotions. Through compassion and connection, we can break the cycle of loneliness and create a more inclusive future for all men.